The Cudsair Model is a very simple but powerful tool. Conflict is a part of our everyday life, it refers to any disagreement or discord between people. Conflict can be resolved quickly and easily if both parties agree to discuss the exact issue or problem at hand. However conflict can escalate from a simple disagreement to ignoring, deliberatly hurting another to lifelong battle's, even violence if not handled appropriately.
Communication is one of the most important factors within a relationship. With great communication there is no second guessing, assuming, aggression, hours wasted of not talking or even silently plotting things for pay back.
We need to increase our communication skills so that we can effectively and lovingly communicate with our partners (anyone for that matter).
There are a number of factors to improve our communication skills. Intently listening and not interrupting, sharing our thoughts and feelings lovingly, accepting our partners views and ideas with respect and love.
The CUDSAIR model below is just one tool to help improve communication skills in times of conflict. When your trying to come to a decision, compromise or work through something difficult together.
C – Confront the problem
U – Understand the other persons position
D – Define the problem
S – Search for solutions; Brainstorming
A – Agree on a solution
I – Implement the solution
R – Review as necessary.
CONFRONT the problem not each other. Acknowledging the problem and deciding to confront it together. You may start by saying “We have a problem with________, instead of getting angry and fighting do you want to try and solve this together”.
UNDERSTAND that you both contribute (to the problem and to the solution). You both have your points of view, hear each other out, agree to no interruptions or blaming as one shares and the other listens and trys to understand and vice versa.
DEFINE the problem now that you both have an understanding you can define the exact problem for e.g. “We both agree the main issue or problem is_________”.
SEARCH for a solution. Grab some paper and start brainstorming all the possibilities and solutions you can both think of. Just write what comes to mind being careful not to regress to blame but focusing on as many options you can come up with.
AGREE on a solution together after going through all the options and deciding on which one is acceptable for both. Depending on the problem you may find some concessions or compromises need to be made so take your time so that the agreed solution is the fairest for both.
IMPLEMENT now is the time to take action and make any necessary plans or adjustments. You may find it helpful to write down your final agreement or solution, it all depends on the nature of the individual problem.
REVIEW if need be, nothing is written in stone so if need be sit down together and review how it’s going or if you may need to make any further adjustments.
The idea is to work together, instead of arguing or not talking when a problem arises.
This is your life - don't waste a minute of it unhappy, unfulfilled or struggling!