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Personal Development for Life - Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear
September 06, 2018
Let’s be really honest & open about our fears,
Firstly there are fears that are there purely for our protection. I mean you wouldn’t walk down a dark alley alone at night, or give all your personal information to a complete stranger, or go swimming in shark infested waters. However many of our fears aren’t justified, they are based on our perceptions, previous experiences, stories we’ve heard & are often fueled by our own repetitive, negative thinking. We need to be honest with ourselves, recognise the presence of our fears & seek the knowledge & understanding so that we can ask the right questions & turn our fear into fuel, into empowering ourselves to move forward rather than staying stuck, limited, doubtful, even paralysed in our fears.
Let’s look at our fears particularly in relation to achieving our greatest desires! Our goals & dreams. We are all susceptible to them, we all experience them in varying degrees.
- Fear of failure,
- Fear of how we will look, what people will say,
- Fear of rejection,
- Fear of not being good enough, can we really do it? Do we truly deserve it?
These are just a few common fears that can keep us awake at night, intensify stress & anxiety & completely stop us in our tracks from continuing or even trying.
Below is a link to an interesting article by Psychology today, on fears. I love how it talks about fear being basically information. Information that we can use to fuel us to push through, to gain understanding on why we have the fearful thoughts we do & ultimately turning on a big light to say “look into this further”.
My biggest fears were always based on fears of failure & worrying what others may say, but what’s beautiful is the more I looked at it, the more I was able to address it, learn from it & get to a healthy point of saying & believing that I’m not concerned with what others (the nay sayers) will think or say, that’s their opinions & they’re entitled to it, I don’t have to take it onboard. Along with knowing that I have all that I need within me, I just have to tap into it, oh & access to some of the greatest material & minds, meaning there is nothing I cannot find the answer to, if I’m prepared to look & do the work - & what is failure anyway! It is not getting the desired result we want? So you go back to the drawing board & try again & again & again till you get it! We all know the drill; the only real failure is when you stop trying. Not to mention the greatest men & women of all time (the greatest success stories) failed countless times before they got the desired result.
I’ll just add that Intimate Relationships were also a big part of my fears & pain, will I ever find the right one, someone who completely loves & wants me for me, especially after 2 failed marriages. It wasn’t until I found myself, faced my fears, started to enjoy my life being single (not desperately looking) that he came & then came authenticity & vulnerability... that was a game changer, something I’d never done before in fear of ridicule.
Once we acknowledge our fears we can start asking ourselves questions like:
- How is it justified, who did I listen too? Remember when you take onboard someone else’s opinion, you take onboard their lifestyle.
- Start brainstorming asking yourself “How can I?” “ What if I tried...?” “Who is an expert in this field that I can turn to & learn from?” (They might be someone you know or a virtual mentor)
- Despite what anyone else says ask yourself “What will achieving.... mean to me, my life, my family?”
- Looking back when have I faced a fear, did it anyway & succeeded? Draw on those experiences for courage & confirmation that you’ve done it before, you can do it again.
- What else can I do to reduce the risk & fear of what I truly want to accomplish? (Look to books, podcasts, audios, experts (as noted above) that will provide specific solutions & resources to what I am doing)
- Is there a skill I need to learn to help me achieve greater success?
- What can I include in my life to help me relax & enjoy the process?
Fear is a part of life, it’s part of being human but it doesn’t have to stop us, we have the choice to use our fear as fuel to push through, to learn & grow. The more we do that, the stronger we become each time we are faced with our fears. In saying that we build self-confidence & some of our fears completely drift away.
Do you have a fear that is stopping you from achieving what you desire?
In what ways could you now turn that fear into fuel?
The Love the Life You Live Coach, Counsellor, Author Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear
Here is the link for the article mentioned above: Psychology today
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