So a week ago I pulled up at work & went around the other side of the car to open the door & get my bags. As I put my hand under the handle to open the door I felt this horrible thing? As the door opened out ran a GIGANTIC (ok maybe not gigantic) huntsmen spider!
It ran into my car....
I stood in the car park shaking, freaking, mortified, on the verge of tears jumping up & down brushing off my clothes (hmmm if anyone was looking out the window into the car park & saw me I can’t imagine what they would have thought). There’s something frightening to me, (maybe many of you too) about spiders, gigantic ones. Their hairy legs, although that could be me in Winter. The creepy images one conjures up at the thought or sight of a spider, besides Charlottes Web. They’re not depicted in any sweet, nice way, so no wonder.
Anyway, my shaky legs carried me up the stairs to my desk. As I said good morning to my friend & co-worker she noticed I looked odd & thought what on earth has happened. Now she’s one of the ‘not afraid’ of spiders gals!
None the less I shared my tale & knew I had to face my fear, but I thought of doing what any spider fearing person would do & ask someone to go kill it for me.... Then I thought no! I have to take care of it, it’s my car, my spider. Well actually it was my partners car so his spider (but he was an hours drive away). It was up to me.
I marched down stairs with a big can of spray & doused the inside of the car, sealing it up for the day in the hopes my intruder would die a quick, not to painful death (I’m sorry, I know many who would have left it or tried to find it & coax it back to nature).
The thought of driving home freaked me out all day. To the point where I thought it’s just a car, I don’t really need it, I can get a lift home. The afternoon came & I reluctantly headed back to the car, opening the doors & picking everything up with as little finger connection as possible & tossing it on the road. To no avail, there was no sign of my (Greg’s) spider. So I drove home, shaky, no music or podcast as normal, just vigilantly looking every few seconds around the car. I even tucked my trousers into my socks in case it would try to crawl up my leg - you never know.
I made it home & Greg laughed... hmmm I didn’t really think there was anything funny about it? But he said its probably gone, don’t worry. Although I was adamant that I wouldn’t drive the car again until he found it. The next day he’d gone to work & I forgot I had to go out, dam it he hasn’t looked for the spider yet, but I couldn’t cancel - I had to risk it, so off I set again. No sign of it, phew.
Life got busy, I forgot, days went by.... till I headed out again a week later & there it was, alive & well, sitting in my door frame (inside). I had been getting in & out of the car all this time & it was right there, watching me....
What to do...
What do we do when something terrifies us?
Now ofcourse there’s many variables here, depending on what it is, but here’s a few brief little examples & ideas
Our fears can hold us back so much.
- We don’t go for what we want,
- We don’t say what’s in our hearts,
- We stay stuck, troubled or frozen in fear dwelling on every possible bad out come...
When we should feel the fear & do it anyway with guidance, support, knowledge that we are capable beyond our wildest dreams & that the only thing between what is & what we want or need is a gap to fill. A gap, a moment if you like, to consider our response, our action, the possibilities, the options, the opportunities, the thrill, the safety, relief or pure excitement of the outcome if we take action.
So my friends although this was a long story I’d love to ask you to think about what it is you fear? Be really honest with yourself. We shouldn’t be afraid of feeling fear, it’s human, it’s natural (sometimes it wakes us up or saves our life) but we should be able to feel the fear & with the greatest of courage (we all have it within) face it.
PS I can’t believe I have to search spider images to go with this post! I’m being brave & just going to do it!
PSS One last thing its interesting & often helpful to look back at where our fears have come from. I remember my mums incredible fear of spiders & where it all began (& yes my sister & I took it onboard & developed the same fear).
It was late one night & my mum was on a date with my Dad. My Pop (a very tall, solid Policeman) was inside the house waiting for mum to arrive home from her date. As my mum & now Dad pulled up out the front of the house they walked down the pathway to the verandah, past 2 very tall trees either side. Looking forward to having a goodnight kiss (ah young love) they walked quietly up the path. In between the trees across the pathway was a big spider web & a big moon spider sitting right in the middle. My mum walked straight into it, screaming she fell to the ground as my dad grabbed a near by news paper & starting hitting her to help get it off.... ofcourse that’s not what my Pop thought as he swung open the door & ran to my mum. Luckily on that occasion my Pop asked questions before striking out at my dad, so the story ended well, Mum & dad got married, had us & life went on but so did the fear.. It may always remain but each time it gets less & less & atleast we are able to take action.Karen Offord › Blog 2018 › F-E-A-R
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