I’d like to share a personal story with you,
Allow me to take you back for a moment, many many years ago. The world I saw then was much different to the world I now see. I had travelled through what I thought had been the darkest times. I'd experienced things that many could easily relate to but just as many could never understand. I was many things and took on many roles. From employee, stay at home mum, bread winner, wife, divorcee, single mum and women in a great big world. All struggling, all in survival mode, all trying to please someone else and gain someone else's approval. Every part of it exhausting and far from being a good role model. Something I desperately wanted to be for my children, but with my mindset, was anything but.
I had spent many of those years collating information (without even realising the importance and impact it would have later). At some point, from something I read, a glorious thought was triggered, possibilities became possible. I decided I could turn things around. I realised I had choices. I began studying, trying and applying many new ideas and looking for resources from people I found along the way that lived a life I desired. Back then it would be more accurate to say “a life I desperately wanted”. It was after many years of studying, researching, reading and a lot of trial and error while continually looking to those who inspired me; that I saw the light. Or if that sounds a bit airy-fairy, corny or cliché i'll happily call it ‘an epiphany’. A glorious ephiphany. It was the strangest, greatest day. One that will stay in my mind forever, because it changed everything.
So here’s how it went down…
It was early one morning. A beautiful day was making its way. Life was sweet and simple. I had nothing to complain about. But (we always seem to find a but) after all I’d learnt, this particular morning I decided to throw myself a pity party. I made it a grand affair in my head. I had fallen deep into a mindset of truly feeling sorry for myself and I forced and dragged up all the negative, unhelpful events of my past. I focused on how hard it all was and thoughts of "after all I had achieved, and how I made my way out of some pretty dark times – no-one seemed to notice!”. Woe is me. I decided in the midst of my wallowing and indulging in self-pity that I was going to faint! Yes, brilliant idea! Because then someone would find me on the floor, passed out and really feel sorry for me. Then they’d know and acknowledge all I’d been through and all I’d done.
That was my plan. But as much as I hoped and
willed it to be in those moments, I couldn’t faint. Oooh how I tried, but how does one really faint consciously anyway? I’d never
fainted once in my life even when I'd been very week and ill. Deep down I knew I was too strong. But I continued to pace up and down wearing out my kitchen floor (alone) hanging onto and going over and over every miserable, poor me thought I could.
It was strangely comforting but completely unnecessary and very unhelpful. Looking back not much fun either.
After pacing for some time I stopped in my tracks and slumped to the floor. Not by any means from feeling faint. That was never going to happen. As I landed on the floor with a bit of a thud I sat there and began to laugh and instantly thought to myself:
“When you know what I know – you can’t wallow”. Indulge me a little and allow me to say it again "When you know what I know - you can't wallow". Quickly followed by “Get up, you know there’s a solution, find it and do it”.
It’s OK you can laugh or roll your eyes at how ridiculous this might look if you can see an image of my grand pity party unfolding in your mind or just maybe there’s something a little familiar you can relate to?
The fact is I had learnt enough to enable me to always move forward in a positive and productive direction. I'd learnt enough to know there is always a solution and always - always a choice. In those previous moments I choose to feel sorry myself and suffer in misery.
From that moment on (still to this day) I draw on my little epiphany (my quote) if ever I feel myself stuck or heading towards a pity party. I have no excuse now and can never consciously throw myself one of those parties again. Phew! Cause there no fun!
Amazing things happen the day we acknowledge we have choices, take personal responsibility for our lives and realise there is an incredible amount of resources available to help us through any challenge we face.
Consciously, fully aware, always moving forward with joy, hope, meaning and love
In fear, stuck, bitter, angry, defeated, resentful, feeling helpless or hopeless,
That is our choice.