Self-confidence, according to the dictionary... is; a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

It is, I believe inherent in all of us but as life goes, through various experiences, encounters & interactions with others, the media & what we choose to take onboard, our self confidence is often shattered. “How could i possibly be confident, look at me (insert all negative thoughts, looks, lack of so called talents, ability, status, you name it)” BUT it’s just not true. We tell ourselves things that would break our hearts if we knew our kids told themselves those things.

Along the way in this often messy, complicated world we have lost ourselves & our innate ability to stand tall, be counted, trust ourselves & embrace every part of who we are with so much love, acceptance & joy. Free from any thought of feeling less than or need to compare ourselves to another because we know how unique & amazing we are.

So here are 11 Powerful Tools & thoughts to Build Self-Confidence:

  1. Let’s begin by consciously making regular deposits into our Love tanks. Now as odd as it sounds this is something Dr Gary Chapman talks about in his wonderful book The 5 Love Languages’ designed for couples, but the idea here is the same; doing things regularly that fill you up, make you happy, inspire you (with no one else required) It is different for everyone but what ever it is for you - do more of it. Keeping that self-love tank full. Find a way to record these moments & experiences, perhaps journaling or a beautiful little jar you could add a note into atleast once a day. What a beautiful, uplifting read that makes at the end of the year or at times when things are tougher & you need a reminder. You could also include beautiful moments when something wonderful happened to you, someone did something kind, loving or helpful just for you. I’m going to add here, don’t be shy writing these things down, particularly about the awesome things you do & are, this is a practise just for you. And let’s be honest we can use all the reminders we can get as our brains tend to remember all the negative experiences & moments over all the joyful, positive ones & rarely do we focus on our awesomeness.
  2. Feed your mind everyday with positive, inspiring, helpful, healing material. Find an awesome uplifting podcast to listen to everyday on your commute to work. I have a couple I love to listen to, I really look forward to it & in a way this is part of filling up my love tank too, because it inspires me & encourages me to do better & instills belief that I absolutely can. Read great books or blogs that interest you & are in the field of self development. There are also many fantastic free self development audiobooks out there (there are many I’ve shared in my beautiful Facebook group - Personal Development for Women). These will lift your spirits, teach you, help you to grow, discover new ways of positive thinking & practical tips & resources of how to... (achieve specific things, heal, create an awesome life, be happier & more self-confident)
  3. Being mindful, accepting & forgiving of ourselves that we will sometimes stuff up, fail, fall down, act in ways that we may not be proud of. Acknowledging that we are unique & amazing but we are human, fallible & it’s ok to mess up. This is how we learn & grow, we keep getting back up trying again, doing things differently, improving each day. As Anthony Robbins beautifully says “progress equals happiness, even if we’re not there yet but we’re making progress we feel happier & more alive”.
  4. Own it. Own you & your life, the incredible, unique, amazing human being you are! You can start with the things you don’t mind so much, an example for me is getting dirty. My mum always said if there’s dirt around it will find Karen or if I spill stuff on my clothes while eating, everyone (my family) seems to shake their head & say yep that’s Karen. I can laugh at myself & I’m cool with it. Then own the tougher things, the things you may have struggled with over the years, your crazy wild hair instead of the perfect straight hair you wanted, the flatter chest instead of the big bust you thought would make you feel more like a women & have felt jipped about since your early teens (yes I’m talking to my old self here) your height, weight, voice, clumsiness etc etc. own it! Love it, embrace it, this is you & that is just perfect. Some things will take more time, so be kind to yourself remember it took years worth of negative thinking to get you here but you can start right now on owning everything. Just a little side note, I remember my dad, he’s very loving but one day many years ago I visited him with my hair tied up in a pony tale, no biggie. His comment was urgh I wouldn’t wear your hair like that it doesn’t suit you. Your ears & your forehead are to big! What the? Now that comment sub-consciously stuck with me for years, it wasn’t till I started doing this work that it came up & I worked through it but for so long you wouldn’t dare catch me in public with my hair up, I hated my big ears & forehead. Which kind of sucks because it’s the easiest hair style to do when you don’t want to spend ages in the bathroom blow drying your hair just to run to the shop! Sounds silly but it’s amazing how little comments like that can be taken onboard & just add another little fragment to ones lack of self worth & confidence. So start owning all of you today. It’s empowering to take complete ownership of oneself…flaws and all....
  5. Know your core values. Don’t be afraid to stand by them & not settle for less. Too many people have stayed in jobs or relationships that go totally against their values & core beliefs leaving them feeling very unhappy. When you live as close as you can to your values you will be a happier and more self-confident person.
  6. Regular exercise will also help increase ones self confidence. Now going to a gym might not be your thing, in all honesty it’s not one of mine but that’s ok. We have to find something that we love, it could be going to the gym, it might be a daily walk in your neighbourhood, dance classes, swimming, bike riding, there are so many fantastic ways to enjoy regular exercise. So find one you love because that way it won’t be ‘a chore’ & you’re more liking to stick with it. The science behind this well known fact of how good it is for you to exercise regularly (besides the obvious) is that it releases chemicals called endorphins. These little guys interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain, along with triggering positive feelings that increase your outlook on life & boost your self confidence. It kind of speaks for itself, when you feel good, you feel good!
  7. This is a big one... we must stop comparing ourselves to other people. I know it’s easier said than done But…it’s worth making the effort, no making the change! I go back to my point of how unique we are in that we are special & beautiful in our own way. What you have another doesn’t & visa versa, it’s ok that’s what makes the world so interesting, that’s what gives us so much inspiration. Only Elle McPherson was born as Elle McPherson, as was or is Oprah Winfrey, the woman at work that seems to have everything, is beautiful, talented, funny, drives a gorgeous new car etc etc. We can certainly be inspired by others & learn from them to enhance our own qualities & lives but we will never be them, which is really cool because we are just as brilliant in our own unique way.
  8. Learn something new. It may be a hobby, something you’ve longed to learn (guitar, cooking, gardening, a new language) or something in line with your career or a new career, perhaps something down the entrepreneurial path. There is a sense of personal satisfaction, accomplishment & social ability when we learn something new which not only makes us feel good (ah yes the simple when you feel good, you feel good again) but increases opportunities & positivity in so many areas of our lives, like meeting & connecting with new people, increasing career opportunities, socialising & once again increasing our self confidence.
  9. Now this probably should be number 1, but it’s in our list so all good & that is to recognise your lack of confidence. We know the only way to change something is to be aware of it, to acknowledge it, embrace it & then move forward (if it’s not something we wish to continue) to find ways to change it (hence our other 10 points). You would be surprised to know that so many people who appear to be self confident have confidence issues, they just either hide it really well or are working on changing it. The main point is raising our awareness, not beating ourselves up but acknowledging the fact then knowing it doesn’t have to stay that way, you have the power to change it & there are so many ways to do it.
  10. If there is something that makes you feel good, better & gives you more confidence like wearing makeup, buying beautiful clothes, hair extensions, eye lash extensions, getting your nails done, you name it there’s a million things out there many of us women just go crazy for I’m going to add a little note that it’s ok! If you can & you love it, do it, but remember these are just supplements if you will. Little extra things that pick you up & give you a boost, there’s nothing wrong with that but we must do the deeper inner work to go with it otherwise we’re never really getting to the root cause & giving ourselves the freedom & the chance to truly feel & be self confident from the inside out.
  11. I’m going to finish up with the biggest of them all... Fall in love with the one person who can change your life. The one person you are guaranteed to spend forever with. The one person that will affect every relationship & experience you will ever have. I know, you know, that’s you. I’m certainly not finishing up with an easy one, but when you can embrace, accept, forgive & love yourself not only can you truly embrace, accept, forgive & love others you will increase your self-confidence. This is a whole other topic in itself so below I’ll add the link to my Celebrating You - Awaken Your Best Self E-Course for those who are ready to take the leap, meet themselves & fall in love.

On that note I will happily remind you how beautiful, capable, amazing & worthy you are. I would text you every day for the rest of your life if it meant you would believe it, but we all know the truth is we can hear it a million times but we have to discover it, feel it & believe it for ourselves. Only you can do that, I just want to remind you that that ‘knowing’ is already there, already within & with effort you can bring it back to life so that you thrive, so that you wake up excited every day believing in yourself, happy in yourself & oh boy what a gift you bring to the world when you step into that self love & self confidence of (as the dictionary simply says) feeling & trusting in your abilities, qualities, and judgement.

Oh allow me to just add as I’m a big one for statistics & measuring progress, if you were to score your current self confidence on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being no self confidence at all & 10 being you are so self confident & happy within yourself its mind blowing) what would you rate yourself? & what will you commit yourself to doing to increase this number over the next 4 weeks.

We, I already know how amazing you are I’d just like to help you discover it & believe it too!


The Love the Life You Live Coach, Counsellor, Author

Celebrating You - Awaken Your Best Self - An online E-Course for Women

  • Do you wake up each morning with a great big smile. Or do you wake with a million pressures and things to do?
  • Do you head into your day full of excitement, self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love. Or full of doubt, worry, beliefs and thoughts that keep you from living your best life and experiencing the love you know you deserve?

Celebrating You is about discovering the greatest relationship you will ever have! It's the one you can never hide from, the one that affects them all! 

In this on-line E-Course you will discover the keys to;

  • Loving the life you live,
  • Creating beautiful, fulfilling, loving relationships,
  • Self-confidence and the future you desire and deserve.

› 11 Powerful tools and thoughts to build self-confidence